
Pictured above is my grandson, standing on the beach on Sanibel Island, staring across the horizon. He looks to be deep in thought. I want to believe he is having a philosophical moment, pondering his future, distant horizons of unlimited possibilities. But he is twelve and growing like the proverbial weed, there is a better than even chance he is thinking about food and where we will eat tonight.
I probably think about his future more than he does. At age twelve his personality is pretty set and from my perspective it’s a good one, caring and generous. Dogs are instinctively drawn to him; I take that as a good sign.
Free advice is dangerous to give as it is rarely well received, but I am buying dinner tonight, so he may listen.
Where to begin? The transition from boyhood to becoming a man does not happen at a specific age or chronological point. It happens early for some and never for others. There is no guidebook or manual for this journey. Like most things in life, it is often messy and confusing. It is a stew made from relationships, character, learning, self-awareness, kindness, patience, self-control, and perseverance, among others. It is stirred together with experiences, successes, failures, and time. Done properly this topic would take volumes, following are just a few highlights, of things I would like to pass down.
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- Always be learning, always stay curious. Staying curious will be the closest thing you will find to the fountain of youth. It’s a big ol’ crazy world out there, packed with different people, cultures, ideas, music, food, literature, etc. Sample as much as you can and learn from everything … and not just once. At age 12 sushi may not appeal to you, at age 25 it might be your favorite. At 12 you might shake your head at be-bop jazz, at 30 you might be the drummer in a local group. You can’t know or experience everything, but there is enough to keep you busy your entire life.
- Accept that life is not fair … never has been, never will be. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. You can’t control most things that happen to you, but you can control how you react to those events. When dreadful things happen (and they will) don’t give in to feeling sorry for yourself, and don’t take on a victim mentality (ever).
- Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Develop the skill of self-awareness. As you grow and mature you will learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Think about the people you are most at ease with, chances are they are comfortable with themselves, they have learned that they are not perfect, neither are they losers. It’s likely that you also know people who feel the constant need to impress others or pretend to be something they are not. Learn that being yourself is a good thing, that God created you exactly as he wanted.
- Hard work beats luck every time. Hard work is hard, and there is no substitute. Demanding work can also bring joy and happiness. We don’t often think of hard work and happiness together, but nothing will give you a greater sense of satisfaction than setting a tough goal for yourself and achieving it.
- Just a few good friends. Aside from your family, your friends can be the biggest influence on the kind of man you will become. Choose wisely. Friendship like any relationship will take work (see point 4). A few solid friends are worth more than a hundred “friends” on any social media site.
- Walking among immortals. I can’t make this point half as well as C.S. Lewis, so I will just quote him, “There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal … it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit.” This was eye-opening for me. I don’t always succeed, but I try to view everyone I see, first as a child of God, before I make any snap judgments based on their looks, dress, speech, etc. You will never meet anyone who is 100% good or 100% bad, but everyone will have a story to tell and something to teach you.
- Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. I purchased a t-shirt with this quote for you a few days ago because I want you to remember this. There is a lot of wisdom to unpack in these nine words. Though this comes from William Shakespeare and not Holy Scripture, we all could do a lot worse than trying to apply this to our lives.
I look forward to seeing the grown man you will become. Godspeed.
Poppy
(I originally wrote this back in 2018, but recently updated the post for inclusion in an upcoming book)






